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I have come to a new realization: My new apartment, which I love and will describe as charming, cute, and cozy is not “small,” it’s miniature.

Recently, a woman I am friends with offered to give me her dining table which seats ten people, but folds up small enough for two. Great, I thought! One less thing I need to purchase! The table is a solid wood that will last a lifetime. It really is a nice table. She also offered to give me a wardrobe closet (because my apartment does not have a closet at all) that she described as small: 81cm long by 51cm deep. Wonderful! A closet would be a huge help!

Cut to 24 hours later when I am standing in my new apartment with a measuring tape, marking the floor to see where everything should go. The table is too big. The wardrobe is too big. And, what’s worse, my dreams of having a futon so people can easily sleep over when they visit are shattered. The average futon is apparently 200cm long and I really only have room for a sofa that is 140cm long. “Fret not,” my friend Adam said, “we’ll go to IKEA and find you everything you need!” (Well, he said it in his broken English, Israeli accent so, he really said something like “It’s not to be worried. We go EE-KAY-AH and you find what you look for.”)

So, off to IKEA we went on Adam’s little motorcycle. Being that it was Saturday night, IKEA opened at 9PM…and then closed at 11PM. Adam and I went on a whirlwind tour of IKEA searching out the smallest futon possible, the thinnest wardrobe, and the narrowest table all for the very best prices. Are we sensing a theme yet?

Success number 1: the table. I did not find a table. What I found was a counter-top-table-thing that attaches to the wall and hinges up and down. When not in use, the table can be stored flat against the wall, not taking up unnecessary space! It’s wood, it’s pretty, and it’s only 295NIS! SOLD! Adam reassured me that he would be able to help me install it on my wall. I hope he was serious.

What we did find that are SUPER helpful are theses: space-saver bags. Had I known I could get them on Amazon.com so cheaply, I would have done that instead. These Ziplock brand ones I’ve found are better anyway than the IKEA brand…they tend to hold more and not tear quite so easily. 21U+sFFOQ9L._AC_AA100_

And now the sad news…we were completely unable to find a wardrobe that was less than 50cm wide. Can you believe it?? The masters of space-optimization only make closest that are 80cm+! Call me old fashioned, but I do not want to live with rolling wardrobe racks and Tupperware holding my underwear. This is not a dressing room, it’s my apartment; I refuse to live like a temporary resident of this room. Defeat is difficult to fathom.

Seemingly, my only option is to construct or MacGyver something. Although I can be pretty creative, I don’t want to feel like I’m living in a temporary space. The solution will have to be perfect and permanent feeling. I’m not a child or a dorm resident. This apartment is my home and I want it to feel as such. Therefore, I make one final plea to IKEA and the gods of space optimization at affordable prices: Make narrower wardrobes, STAT, please!!!!

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