My best friend from the US was here visiting recently. While she was here, we spent a lot of time talking about relationships mostly because she is in a very serious one that is working its way towards marriage and I am still single. Here are our histories in fifty words or less: Laura is always in a serious relationship. Joan is always single.
Don’t get me wrong, I date. I meet lots of men and go out with them. I frequently have one guy I count on minorly in the emotions department and we have sex fairly regularly. This type of friendship is not to be confused with a “relationship.”
Anyway, Laura and I were out at bar in Tel Aviv one night, and she was lecturing me on what I’m doing wrong to always end up in a situation with a man I have sex with without being in a relationship. Here was her advice: You need to either be an object of their desire, or nothing. This gray friend-zone you keep putting yourself in is bullsh*t.
To demonstrate that I do date and that I do meet new people, I started to explain how easy it is to pick up men in this city. Seriously, all you have to do is be within a 5 ft radius of someone and make eye contact. He comes over moments later with some Hebrew pick-up line and then you explain that you speak English, and they are yours for the night. Numbers are exchanged. They always call.
Laura didn’t believe me, not ever having been one to go out and meet new men in the world (she’s mostly slept with and dated within our circle). So, a nice looking man sat down beside her and glanced over at me. I made eye contact, smiled, then went back to talking to Laura. Less than thirty seconds later, he was leaning towards us asking something neither of us understood. Smiling and confidently, I asked if he spoke English and that was it! He (Ethan) and I were talking for the rest of the night. At the end of the evening, we exchanged numbers. I knew he would call.
As we left the bar, Laura said to me, “I can’t believe that worked. I can’t believe how easy it is for you! Now that I know how easy that really is, you really have no excuse.”
Somehow, she’s right. But the fact is that just because it’s easy to get picked up by men in this city does not mean that every guy who picks you up is a winner. In fact, most of them aren’t. Yeah, it’s a numbers game where the more you play, the better your odds are. But, who’s got the energy or patience?
What happened to Ethan? He called a few times. In theory we are supposed to go out this afternoon. If he doesn’t call, I won’t be heart broken. But, going out would be nice.
The fall-out from this conversation with Laura was that Ben and I have decided to “pause” our sexual relationship in the interest of seeing where our lives can go without it. On one hand, it feels like it was the right thing to do. Ben, despite being a sexual and masculine god, is not a good guy for me to date seriously. I would be always worried that he was bored or that I wasn’t enough for him, knowing how he gets in relationships with other women. But, I did love the pure testosterone and sexuality that oozes from his every pore. It’s so…exciting! And flattering! He really makes me feel like a woman.
But, enough of that talk! That chapter is closed for now and maybe (hopefully) I will be able to find someone else with similar qualities and better ones to distract me.