It’s the middle of the night here and tomorrow morning I am leaving the South to go spend a few weeks up North before flying home. I should be asleep like everyone else in this house but I can’t seem to shut my brain off long enough to drift off.
There are a few things that are keeping me awake at this late hour:
1. I’m worried about the timeline for finishing my final papers from last semester. Because I had to come back to the US for the month of July, I had to ask for extensions on my four final papers from last semester. Now, 3 are due at the end of August and one is due sometime in September. This would not be a big deal at all, if I didn’t have a full-ish time job waiting for me upon my return in addition to the pressure of starting my thesis AND preparing to start teaching for real this September.
Which brings me to the 2nd thing on my mind…
2. Am I going to be OK as an English teacher in this school? I have to believe that the school wouldn’t have hired me if they felt that I wouldn’t be a good teacher. What is it that I am the most worried about? My lack of Hebrew. Yes, I’m getting better everyday and I’m learning new tidbits all the time, but is that going to be enough? Will the kids walk all over me? Will I be able to actually teach them? Will the school be disappointed in me or in their decision to hire me? Will I be able to come up with interesting lessons? I did just survive the last year at a tough school with a rough student population and almost no support system. But, I had 3 -7 students in each class. Not 40. Can I handle this? I’m freaking out.
I have to keep reminding myself that I’ll take it one day at a time and I’ll get to know the kids and I will find a groove. I will. I’ll have a few sleepless anxiety-filled nights in the beginning and then I will find a rhythm. I’ll sit down with my bosses before the year starts and hopefully they will have some helpful words of wisdom for me too. Eventually, it will be ok.
3. Will I be able to manage my schedule and write my master’s thesis all at the same time? I don’t really have a choice on this one. I will have to. Will I be ready to start doing my physical research in the school come mid September? I still need to officially get my proposal accepted by the outside reader, write my questionnaire and interview questions, and have the parents of the students sign off on it. Will it be possible? Can I handle it?
As far as my final papers go, I need 2 days for one, 2 days for another one, 4-6 days for another, and 2 weeks of writing time for the last. I’ll be tutoring 9-4 Sunday through Thursday for three weeks (with a day here and there to take care of official aliyah business) so paper writing will have to be at night and on weekends. I will just have to make a schedule and stick to it strictly. I can do it.
Teaching, on the other hand, I will take a long look at the materials I have and come up with a killer weekly plan. At least for the first 2 weeks. I can do this. I just have to be strict, respectful, consistent, and clear.
Ok, maybe now that I’ve gotten all this out of my head and on to the page I’ll be able to sleep. My sister is waking me up very early tomorrow to have breakfast with my parents and say goodbye before we get on the road. I really should try to get some sleep.