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…I’m not in love. I wasn’t in love. I won’t be in love with Roy.

the only excuses I can come up with are either A) he lied to me about being so nice and wonderful when really he’s psycho and needy or B) I got a bit too carried away by the excitement of meeting a nice guy.

It’s not true that “nice guys finish last;” pathetic excuses for men finish last, with nice guys a close second. Sad, but true.

So, you might be asking yourself what happened?? Thought things were going so well, did you? Decided that this one looked and sounded promising, right? Wrong.

Date one was wonderful. Date two was sweet. Date three was subpar. And what happened after date three was the final nail in the would-be-relationship’s coffin.

On date three, Roy picked me up at a friend’s house to go out. Apparently, he just wanted to see me and had no real plan so we came back to my apartment and hung out. Chatting turned into making out, making out turned into touching, touching was about to turn into sex when he stopped the presses by refusing to wear a condom. This particular item not being up for negotiation, cramped the evening, but lo nora, we continued to hang out. He was obviously disappointed so he tried to convince to forgo the condom. Eventually, he seemed to give up.

As we were trying to sleep, I could feel him stressing next to me. I told him that if he couldn’t relax and pull it together that he couldn’t stay. Ultimately, after a lot of sighing and aggravating empty conversation, he finally left for the night. But, not before telling me that “he’s starting to have real feelings for me.”

Now, he does not know me well enough to have any sort of feelings for me other than enjoying my company. And after being kept up until 2AM while he decided to go or stay, I was irritated and not in the mood for bullshit.

I needed space. I needed to breathe. He then proceeded over the next 24 hours to give me neither of those things. Texting me all day, calling while I was at a friend’s house, then expecting me call him after midnight, then calling and texting all day the next day while I was at work. This guy was losing me with every text and every call. He was initiating an all-out invasion of my life without asking my permission, and I wasn’t having it.

Finally, things came to a head last night when he assumed he was going to see me and I texted him to say that I had had a long day and I was going to sleep early with a bad headache. All true. In response to this message, I got an SMS the size of a novella, rambling about how I’m different all of a sudden and how he wants to explain from the other night and that it’s a very personal story that he wants to share with me because he likes me so much, blah blah f*cking blah. I would have had more respect for him if he had just responded with “ok, feel better.”

So, I called him. I told him that it was increasingly clear that we were on two separate pages in this thing and that he was feeling much more strongly for me than I was for him. I told him that I felt like he was invading my space and that I needed to slow things down tremendously. He got defensive. Then he go mad. Then he said something flip like “just talk to me whenever you want, then,” and hung up.

Twenty minutes later I got this SMS: How did I lose you like that? I feel so dumb. But I guess it’s my lesson. Good night.

All I want is a good, honest, nice man, who will take his time getting to know me and let me get to know him who has realistic expectations, is smart, funny, good looking, ambitious, and terrific in bed. Is that SO much to ask for?