After yet another failed attempt at dating, I have arrived at a realization. You know how everyone always says that relationships are about compromise? Well, everyone is right, just not in the way they think they are…
Yes, relationships involve compromise in that one person can’t have their way all the time, and sometimes you have to do stuff you don’t want to do because it will make your partner happy. Yes. But, in order to engage in a successful relationship, you must first decide what you are willing to compromise on: passion or stability.
Hear me out:
You (we strong, passionate, intelligent women) have a choice to make.
Option 1: A passionate, fun, love affair with high chemistry and connection on all levels. However, there is no emotional commitment thus never resulting in the truly emotionally fulfilling relationship. However, you have fun and feel alive and look forward to your time with this person as inconsistent and irregular as it may be.
Option 2: A nice, kind, supportive relationship with a man you have no physical or mental connection with. You are confident in the knowledge that he is there if you need/want him to be, but you rarely want him to be. Sex is a chore and you can’t help but roll your eyes every time he says something.
Maybe it’s time we (I) recognize the truth. The total package doesn’t exist. Maybe if you choose option 2 you’ll get lucky and grow to love that person. Maybe. Maybe if you choose option 1, that person will grow to love you. Maybe. This is the Unfortunate Truth my ex-boyfriend wrote the song about so many years ago.
So, yes. Relationships require compromise. Compromising your goals of what you are looking for in a man. And I’ve made the tough decision that I would rather be technically single for the rest of my life, bouncing between torrid love affairs, never having children, but feeling alive, desired, and chemistry-connected to someone than be married and committed to a man I don’t want to be alone with.
I choose option 1. I’m physically incapable of option 2.
Maybe this makes me less of “good woman.” I’m not sure, to be honest. I know that I’ve met lots of “nice” men, including this most recent one I haven’t told you about yet. Men who are kind and considerate, and boring. Men who pretend to have a lot of passion behind their actions but don’t have the experience or the real feelings to back it up. Men I should have liked. I can’t force myself to like someone just because they are “nice,” even if they are also attractive. If something is missing in the chemistry, it’s a lost cause for me.
And this makes me sad. It makes me feel like I’m the one with the issue. I’m the broken person who can’t appreciate a good thing when it’s right in front of me. I’m the selfish bitch who wants it all: the commitment with the passionate, attractive, successful, polished, intelligent, kind man that I have a major, undeniable connection with.
But now that I understand that finding it all in one package is not possible, I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I recognize that I’m probably not going to find what I am looking for, therefore I might as well accept the defeat and move on in the direction of a good time.
If I already know that the destination isn’t what I want I might as well enjoy the ride, right?