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One of my favorite things to do while in the heat of the moment with a lover is to ask them to talk to me in their native language (usually Hebrew here). Most men will be a bit taken aback by this, then ask “what do you want me to say?” My response is always “anything you want. Just talk to me in Hebrew.” I must say, I’ve done this with a handful of men here and the patterns that are starting to emerge are very interesting.

Thus, allow me to introduce to you the Talk to Me, Baby Personality Test! Ok, so it’s not fail-proof and it doesn’t run on any fancy algorithm…but I think it can hold its own.

You see, I’ve determined that there are three distinct categories men will fall into when a woman asks them to talk in bed, especially in a language they think she doesn’t understand. Whether the idea that I “don’t understand” what they’re saying makes it easier for them to talk, or makes them more honest about what they say, I’m not sure yet. But, I can assure you that one of the three following scenarios will almost always apply:

Scenario 1: He will start saying things along the lines of “I’m not really sure what to say,” or “Do you like that?/Does it feel good?” then after a few quick sentences, talking stops. This man may seem fairly competent in bed but he is lacking self-confidence somewhere in his life that is leaking over to his love-life. He’s probably not a super-passionate kisser and the time between arriving and having sex may feel a bit forced or awkward. He’s good for a fun time every once in a while, but a serious relationship with this guy has baggage and the anti-thesis of passion written all over it.

Scenario 2: He will get really turned on and turn the heat up with dirty talk in his mother tongue. He’ll use phrases like “Are you my slut?” or “You like to get f*cked?” or “You like my d*ck inside you,” etc. He’ll call you names you may or may not understand (i.e. slut, whore, bitch, etc.) and the sex will be very fun and enjoyable all around. This man is over-confident. He can’t fail and he can’t get hurt. People are his playthings if they allow themselves to be, and he’s ok with that. Kissing rarely happens with this type of man. Most women need to be careful of this type of man, though, because many women cannot tell the difference between having a good time and being used. The exception to this rule is when the man will say all these things and also translate for you if he senses you don’t understand. The act of the translation in the moment demonstrates a desire to not only have you participate in the role-play but to make sure you are still comfortable with what is happening. In cases like these, the man still has high confidence but also a conscience, which is important. We just say no to true sociopaths. This man might make a good lover or affair, but it is ill-advised to try to take him too seriously.

Scenario 3: This one is the best situation to be in, I think. When asked to speak in Hebrew in the moment, this man will use the opportunity to say things he wants to say but hopes you won’t understand. He might be more open with complements than he usually is in normal conversation. He’ll use phrases like “you’re amazing,” or “you don’t know how sexy you are,” or “I could watch you like this all night.” In situations like this, even if you understand, it’s best to not give away that you understand. If he wanted you to know how he was feeling, he would tell you in your language. This is a sign of a man who is sensitive but also a bit scared. He’s full of confidence but not so much that he just assumes you, the woman he is developing feelings for, automatically feels the same way about him. He values himself but doesn’t see himself as God’s gift to women. He is a passionate kisser and being lovers with him is both satisfying and fun, allowing you both to learn new things about yourselves along the way. Eventually he’ll tell you what he is saying in bed, but don’t push at him.